Lol at this script this dud on db.com wrote about the Mavs and Avery Johnson?

*Comment Please for points*

Avery enters the AAC lunchroom and joins the gang at their usual table.)

Dirk: Speaking of having it all ... Where were you?

Avery: It's not working, Dirk. It's just not working.

Dirk: What is it that isn't working?

Avery: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always knew when David Robinson was uncomfortable at a party. It鈥檚 become very clear to me that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be! Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong!

(A waitress approaches Avery.)

Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

Avery: Yeah. 鈥?No, no, no, wait a minute. 鈥?I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast! Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea!

Kidd: Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

(Stack, sitting across the lunch room, looks longingly at Avery.)

Kidd: Ah, Avery, you know, that downside-of-his-career backup player just looked at you.

Avery: So what? What am I supposed to do?

Kidd: Go talk to him!

Avery: Kidd, short men, who didn鈥檛 get drafted, and who got no jumper, who live in a hotel, don't approach superstars like Jerry Stackhouse!

Dirk : Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by superstars, chicken salad and going right up to them!

Avery: Yeah, I should do the opposite. I should.

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right!

Avery: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit on the NBA bench and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

(Avery saunters over to Stack.)

Avery: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.

Stack: Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me.

(Avery takes a deep breath.)

Avery: My name is Avery. I wasn鈥檛 drafted and I live in a hotel.

Stack: I'm Stack. Hi!

(Cut to Dirk鈥檚 mansion. Cubes comes dancing through the doorway.)

Cubes: Hey, UberMan, it's all happening!

Dirk: What's happening?

Cubes: The coffee table book. It's a go! You know what this means? I'm starting the book tour. First stop: Regis and Kelly, and then NBC5 with Newy Scruggs, and then ESPN 103.3 Radio with Wally Lynn, then some pub on DallasBasketball.com. 鈥?/p>

Dirk: I'll loan you my puffy shirt.

(Cut to the practice court. Dirk, Kidd and Avery are working out before the week鈥檚 big game.)

Avery: I tell you this, something is happening in my life. I did this opposite thing last night. Up was down, black was white, good was --

Dirk: Bad.

Avery: Day was --

Kidd: Night.

Avery: Yes!

Dirk: I told Del Harris to go 鈥?/p>

Avery: Up in a suite!

Kidd: I told Mark Cuban to come 鈥?/p>

Avery: Down on the floor!

Dirk: So you just did the opposite of everything?

Avery: Yes. This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion. Guys, this is my religion! Stay stronger longer!

(Flash back four years. Avery is in Cubes鈥?AAC luxury bunker.)

Cubes: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. It鈥檚 been nice to meet you.

Avery: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past years you have caused myself, and the city of Dallas, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Mavericks and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!

Cubes: Hire this man!

(Fast-forward to the start of the 2007-08 season. Avery enters the AAC lunchroom, dressed in his Mavericks sweatsuit, and joins Cubes.)

Avery: Greetings! Greetings! Greetings and salutations! What a beautiful day for a basketball game. Let's play two! 鈥?I'm the head coach of the Dallas Mavericks! I'm going on the road trips with them! I'll be on the plane... I'm taking over Nellie鈥檚 office in American Airlines Center! This is a dream! I'm busting, Cubes, I'm busting!

Cubes: Auerbach, Wooden, Dean Smith. ... Avery Johnson?

(Avery sits down and speaks to the waitress.)

Avery: Oh, I'll have the chicken salad on rye, my usual, you know what I get, darlin'.

(Avery turns back to Cubes.)

Avery: So, let's see, I had a little conversation today with Mr. Dirk Nowitzki -- he's the MVP. We talked about some new roles around here. Devin as a distributor. Jet as a crunch-time dribbler. Stack as a greenlight shooter. Diop and Damp, we need them to score. And Dirk to be a distributor. We love our team! But you know, Coach is not crazy about the shooting. Dirky Basketball. He's a helluva guy. 鈥?I鈥檓 back in business, baby! I am the Lil鈥?General!

Cubes: Yada, yada.

(Cut to the Thursday pregame bus ride in San Antonio. Avery is behind the wheel, Stack is cozily riding shotgun.)

Stack: Are you sticking with that little moustache?

Avery: Why shave every day? It just grows right back.

Stack: I guess ...

Avery: I'm afraid I'm just not interested in how I present myself. If those kind of superficial matters are important to you, this probably isn't gonna work.

(A car cuts in in front of the team bus, and Avery has to make a sudden maneuver.)

Stack: Hey watch it! He just cut you off! Did you see that?!

Avery (with incredible calm, no veins popping from his forehead): Take it easy. Take it easy. It鈥檚 not the end of the world. Let鈥檚 focus on the positives.

(Cut to the AT%26amp;T Center. There are 34.5 seconds remaining in a tight game. Mavs ball. Two young DFW media members are sitting behind the Mavs bench, directly behind Avery and Stack.)

Media person No.1 (To Stack): Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh?

Media person No.2: Yeah, stick your tongue down his throat!

(They kick the backs of Avery and Stack鈥檚 seats.)

Stack: What are we gonna do? Shall we just move?

Avery (Getting up and turning toward the two young DFW media members): That won't be necessary.

Avery: Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're examining our data so Stack can go in for Kidd in the final 34.5 seconds! And if I have to tell you again, we're gonna take it outside and I'm gonna show you what it's like! You understand me? This is a work in progress! Now, shut your Poisonous Journalism mouths or I'll shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me. Try me! Because I would love it!

(Even Spurs fans applaud as Avery sits down again.)

Stack: Who are you, Avery Johnson?

Avery: I'm the opposite of every coach you've ever met.

Lol at this script this dud on db.com wrote about the Mavs and Avery Johnson?nba league pass

Wow, that was really funny!

MY BROTHER SUCKS!

Lol at this script this dud on db.com wrote about the Mavs and Avery Johnson?nba tv ,nba teams

i would love to get good laugh. but i really don't have the patience to read all of that.
did you really take all that time to write that?

waste of time
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